Matt and Mello's Marvelous Misadventures
by ObsidianWing
Summary: Bedtime for six children can be a hassle, especially when there are only two parents to put them to bed. Will a few stories of their fathers past bring down their hype? (It makes more sense if you've read "Another New Family Member".)
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: A follower of mine - Artisticbelle - has asked of me to write down the adventures and mayhem that Matt and Mello got into when they were kids. And, considering I've never shared the details of their little mishaps, I immediately took it to page.**_

**_This fic will be a bunch of stories in one go about how Matt and Mello got into trouble or mischief when they were young, telling their kids that they were much more fun when they were younger._**

**_With that, please enjoy, review if you can, and I'll see you all later!_**

* * *

**(Mello P.O.V)**

Getting six children to bed was a job that involved strength, courage, and heart. However, Matt and I had barely any of this.

Lucas got into bed no problem, but his sister Melina wasn't even listening to us, his brothers Mason and Andrei were fighting about video games instead of crawling into bed, and his youngest sister Roxanne wouldn't leave her console for the life of her. Goddamn Matt for buying her that wretched thing! At least Ink was soundlessly sleeping in his bed already.

I rubbed my temples, feeling the beginnings of a headache approaching me. "Matt!"

"Kinda busy, Mels!" He called back at me, separating the two boys.

Lucas had gotten out of his bed, along with Ink who had probably woken up due to the noise, to come see the commotion. They didn't say anything, knowing it would just make me angrier, but they quietly sat down on the stairs and waited for an instruction from either one of us.

I heard the front door open and close and I could feel a relief hang over me. Mommy Light here to save the day.

"Dear lord, Mello!" He practically chuckled out. "Did you give them all coffee or something?"

"Just help us out!" I exclaimed.

The man snickered before standing a bit straighter. "Quiet down, right now!"

The noise completely stopped and everyone looked at the brunette before them. The man still had the power to take control over any situation.

…so when did I learn?

I heard L hum a bit of laughter before entering the manor. "Light, you never cease to amaze me."

I fell back on the couch, revelling in the silence. "Thank you, Light."

Matt joined me on the couch after setting the two bickering brothers on the floor. "We thought you two would never come."

"Well we know what it's like being tortured by a bunch of brats, so…"

L promptly got a smack to the head for his comment by Light. The brunette then turned to our little ones. "Now, you'd all best tell me right now why you aren't listening to your fathers. Do realize that they are your elders and demand respect."

"Excuse me!" I growled out. "I'd like to remind you that I'm barely past thirty!"

Before Light could apologize, Melina spoke up. "But we aren't tired! And nine is too early for a bedtime!"

"But you're only ten, darling." Matt reminded her. "You need the sleep for tomorrow."

Lucas joined in with his sister, a quiet Ink behind him. "We know, Da. But we're still hyper! I only went to bed because Dad scares me."

"At least one kid is afraid of me." I mumbled.

Light sighed audibly. "Then why don't you quiet down for the evening? Six children running about and screeching isn't good for anyone."

"But it's no fun when it's quiet!" Mason started up.

"It's boring!" Andrei agreed.

"Quiet activities aren't always boring." Light reminded them. "You could always read or do a puzzle. Or what about stories! I'm sure your dads could tell you a story or two."

"Yeah right!" Roxanne scoffed, not taking her eyes off of her game. "They'd probably be about their youth and how boring it was."

I took away her controller immediately and handed it to Matt, telling him to hide it away after he saved her game. He did so without question.

The small red-headed girl crossed her arms and sulked. "See?! He's so not fun!"

L chuckled at this. "Really? Because I remember a few times when your dads were absolutely the life of Wammy's orphanage. Do you remember, Light?"

"Oh I remember _plenty_ of times when they were having fun." The brunette agreed.

The moment Matt sat back down on the couch I cringed into the man. "We weren't _that_ bad."

"Oh?" L spoke up. "What about the penguin incident?"

Lucas seemed interested in this. "Hey, yeah! Dad, didn't you say you and Da stole a penguin from the zoo!"

"That was a long time ago." Matt fought. "And we…"

"Oh come on now, Matt!" L persisted as he sat in an armchair. "I'm sure your children would love to hear this story!"

"Yeah Da!" Lucas said excitedly. "I wanna hear about this!"

"So do I!" Light piped in. "L's only told me the gist of the story, but you two actually lived it! I wanna know why you chose to steal a penguin from the zoo."

Ink climbed into my lap and settled into a cuddle. "Please, Da!"

That was it for Matt. The red head could not say no to Ink for the life of him. The boy was just too damned cute.

I hugged the little boy closer to me. "Please, Da!" I mimicked. "This one story couldn't hurt them, plus I'd like to hear your side of it. Pray tell why you wanted a penguin as a pet enough to bribe me into helping you get one?"

The man sighed heavily. "Fine. I'll tell you about Jimmy the penguin, but only if you all agree to go to bed."

"Jimmy?" Lucas questioned.

"It's a long story." He replied. "Deal or no?"

The kids agreed and gathered around the red head to hear his story. Even I was intrigued to hear more about this tale. Yes, I'd been part of it, but why did Matt want the penguin in the first place?

"Well…" he began, thinking about when it all started. "L had brought us to the zoo one day along with a few other Wammy kids for a field trip. L was supposed to be looking out for us and making sure we didn't get into any trouble…

…until we got out of his sights."

The rest was history.


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: And here we have the penguin story! But that's not the only thing these two got involved with... as you will soon see! **_

**_Please enjoy, review if you can, and I'll see you all later!_**

* * *

**(Matt P.O.V)**

"Matt! Come on, L will worry!" Mello badgered me.

I wasn't listening though. I was too interested in the penguins to care.

I don't know what it was about penguins but I loved them with all my heart! Just looking at them put a smile on my face, and the moment I caught sight of them when we came here I was instantly hooked.

I turned to the blonde behind me. "But Mello, I love penguins! You know they're my favourite animal!" I then turned back. "I totally want one as a pet!"

"Are you insane!?" The blonde exclaimed. "Penguins are not pets, Matt! They're wildlife, and I detest zoos with every fibre of my being! No animal should be caged and locked behind a fence, never being able to taste freedom or know what it's like to be an actual, living being! I can't believe L dragged me here! What an incredible waste of my time!"

I never understood Mello's anger towards zoos and other wildlife parks. He's always go on and on about how zoos were bad and how animals shouldn't be caged, but he never explained why. And I wouldn't know the truth until much later in my life.

I sighed heavily before getting an idea in my head. It was a long shot with Mello, but I'm too sure that my best friend would do anything to help me.

"Hey Mel… if you really think these animals should be free from their cages, then why should we not help them?"

He cocked an eyebrow at me. "Explain."

I pointed to one of the chicks in the penguin enclosure. "Why not take that little guy for ourselves? He'd be free, I'd get a penguin, all is right with the world! What do you think!?"

He didn't tell me. He just walked away, not even thinking about my idea.

"WAIT!" I stopped him, taking his hand. "Please Mello! I just want to keep it for a week or two and then we'll take it to an animal rescue centre! They'll take it to Antarctica or something, and we'll have a pet for a while!"

"No way, Matt!" The blonde put his foot down. "L said if we bring one more animal into the Wammy house, then we're grounded for a full year! I'm not taking the chance!"

"Please Mello!" I tried again, falling to my knees and hugging his legs. "For me? For your best-est best friend! I'll buy you chocolate! I'll buy you a whole BOX of chocolate! And… and I'll do my homework, and compliment you more! And I'll even let you play my games! All I want is the penguin for a few weeks! Please! Please, please, please, please, please, _please!_"

The boy merely blinked. "You're pathetic, you know that?"

I blinked back. "Uh… I love you?"

His eyes merely rolled. "Fine. Let's get you a stupid penguin."

I nearly squealed when he agreed and hugged him tightly for it. "THANK YOU, MELS!"

"Don't thank me yet. We still have to grab the bird and get out with it." He then looked about the park before grabbing my hand. "Come on!"

Right as he began dragging me I asked him where we were going.

"The penguin enclosure has two entrances. The balcony where people can throw fish to them, and the emergency exit in case there's any trouble. This exit is also an entrance for the employees to introduce new penguins to the habitat. Almost all of the enclosures have this, so it's our best bet to getting to the penguins."

"Okay, but they won't just let two kids into the enclosure…"

"Exactly," he interrupted, "but it's almost closing time, meaning that most of the employees are shooing out the visitors. I suspect this to take ten minutes at best, so we have to hurry."

He dragged me over to the employee's only section and soon we made our way down a tunnel and into the coldest part of the area. This was almost certainly the penguin enclosure. The only problem we faced was the heavily locked door with three locks on the bottom and one way up at the top. I was good at picking a lock, but I was still only about three and a half feet tall. I couldn't reach the lock at the top…

…unless…

"Give me a boost!" I told Mello.

The blonde sighed heavily before hunching over enough for me to climb onto his back. Since he was a little bit stronger than me he had no issues with standing to his full height, me on his shoulders, and waiting for me to finish the job.

However, it's not like he was too pleased with his position.

"Jesus, Matt!" He exclaimed. "Do you ever wash your feet!?"

"Shut up! I washed them last time I took a bath!"

I heard him gag. "That was two weeks ago! You're so nasty!"

"Hey, my musk brings in the ladies!" I joked.

"…to the hospital ward maybe."

I deftly picked the lock and it clicked open. "One down!"

I suddenly felt him push me off of his shoulders and I fell to the floor with a thump.

Mello only chuckled. "One down." He repeated.

I growled as I got back up. "You know, it's that attitude of yours that stops people from being your friend!"

He squeezed my nose, pulling me in. "And it's your stench that stops people from talking to you. Now," he let go of my nose, "pick the other locks and let's grab this bird before we get caught. We barely have another five minutes before the employees have everyone out."

I did as he said, but not without rolling my eyes at him. Sometimes Mello was so pushy I questioned my friendship with him.

I felt sorry for the sap that married him in the future. Poor bugger.

The locks were just as easy as the first one and the door opened immediately for us. Within moments we'd gotten into the enclosure and found all the baby penguins in their little play group. It was amazing to see them up close!

And it'd be more amazing to have one as a pet.

Mello brought out his knapsack. "Grab the smallest one and stuff him in here. We have to get out right away."

I did so right away, already knowing which one I wanted. He was the smallest and fluffiest one there, and it worked out even better since he'd practically walked up to me.

I gently lifted him up, placed him in the pack, and we ran like hell to get out of the enclosure, making sure all the locks were back in place, that no one saw us, and that we didn't looked suspicious. Mello didn't look like he cared, but the moment we got on the bus he was more than surprised that we'd gotten away with it. Especially since L hounded us about where we'd run off to, leaving him worried. I felt a little bad about that… but at least I got a souvenir!

The bus ride home was filled with talk among the other kids, but Mello and I just whispered to each other.

"What are you gonna name it?" Mello whispered.

"Jimmy!" I whispered back. "Jimmy the penguin!"

The blonde rolled his eyes. "I'll never understand you, will I?"

I merely shrugged. I then smiled at him warmly. "Thank you, by the way. I don't know many people who are willing to steal a penguin for another."

He leaned his head against my shoulder. "I'd do anything for my best friend, Matt. But don't expect me to steal another animal in the future."

I hugged him tightly. "You're the best, Mello!"

The blonde hugged me back, but before he could say anything the knapsack gave a small, but loud, chirp that alerted almost everyone on the bus.

With all eyes looking at us Mello defended with, "Err… I sneezed?"

Well… he did have an adorable sneeze. Not that he'd ever admit it.

Another chirp and Mello followed suit begrudgingly. It was even more infuriating for him since people on the bus started giggling about his sneeze. Yes, it was rude to be giggling about someone's… flaws? Is a sneeze a flaw? Well, either way, I couldn't help but laugh as well because of how close to the truth it was to find Mello sneeze like a little bird.

The blonde promptly hit my stomach and turned away from me. "I regret everything now."

I laid my head on his shoulder. "You know you love me!"

Taking care of that penguin had been hard work too. I barely had it a week before L found it in his room eating his candy. I'd wanted it a bit longer than that, but I didn't think we'd be found out so soon. Mello took most of the blame for me though, saying it was his idea, that he'd helped, and that he'd been the one to stow it away in his pack. For this, Mello got a month of detention, his chocolate intake was cut in half, and he'd have to work part time at the zoo to repay them for the issues he caused them.

I felt bad about this because I knew how much Mello hated zoos, and I tried my best to get L to get him out of it, but the blonde took his punishment anyway.

By the end of his punishment, I did everything I could to make up for everything I'd caused him. He never brought it up though, and he never held it against me. He only told me that he was happy to have made me happy.

So, from that day onward, I made a promise to myself that I'd always try to make him as happy as he did for me. Like I'd told him…

I don't know many people willing to steal a penguin for me.


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: And here we have the penguin story! But that's not the only thing these two got involved with... as you will soon see! **_

**_Please enjoy, review if you can, and I'll see you all later!_**

* * *

**(Matt P.O.V)**

I shrunk in my seat as L and Light looked at me quite angrily. My kids, however, were laughing up a storm at the thought of a penguin going through L's candy and munching on everything in sight.

L shook his head at me. "So Mello got blamed for something that was all _your_ doing? Honestly, you're lucky the man stays with you at all!"

Lucas finally calmed his laugh to a giggle and looked up at me. "That's awesome! I can't believe the zoo never caught you guys!"

Mello shrugged. "One penguin goes missing, it's hardly something they'd notice in a sea of flightless birds. L did end up taking it to an animal rescue though instead of back to the zoo."

"Then your dad went back and released all the birds and mammals a few weeks later in protest." L finished off. "But that story isn't as interesting as the time he and your Da went on a journey around the earth."

All the kids perked up at this in excitement and Mello immediately tried to defend himself.

"If you hadn't walked off without checking to make sure we were right beside you, none of that would have happened!"

"You were thirteen." Light reminded him. "You should have known better than to run off and not tell us."

He growled angrily before Melina tapped his leg. "Tell us about it, daddy! Please!"

Ink cuddled him again and looked up into the man's eyes. "Please Dad!"

As much as I was a sucker for our kids, Mello was twice the sucker.

The blonde grumbled unhappily. "Fine, I suppose I have no choice."

He settled in a bit more and sighed. "Well, we were going on a vacation to Light's parent's house in Japan, but your Da got distracted and ran off to find a vending machine. Seeing him gone, I immediately went to look for him…"


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: I apologize for the short - sucky - chapter, but I kinda wanted to just get this one done so I could work on a better one. :)**_

**_Please enjoy, review if you can, and I'll see you all later!_**

* * *

**(Mello P.O.V)**

I grabbed the red head's arm and pulled. "Matt! We have to go! Light and L are waiting for us on the plane!"

"Just a minute!" He whined. "I want some soda!"

"We can get some on the plane you egg! Now let's go!"

The gamer finally groaned in defeat and ran with me to where we'd been beforehand. Unfortunately, since Light, L, and Near were already gone, we couldn't find the correct gate to enter. All thanks to Matt and his stupid attention span.

"What was the gate number?" I asked him, unable to remember the correct number.

"Uh…"

That didn't sound reassuring.

"Err… two zero one?" He guessed.

It sounded close enough to what L had told us.

"Fine, now let's go!" I commanded, grabbing his arm and running.

After giving the lady at the gate our tickets and rushing through the gate, we immediately found our seats and awaited the plane to take off.

Only… something about this wasn't quite right.

L and Light always took the private plane wherever we went, so why were we on a regular public one? Furthermore, where were they? They'd at least be taking first class with us, wouldn't they? L always took first class or VIP over anything else.

The realization hit me in an instant and I grabbed Matt's arm yet again.

He groaned. "Stop grabbing me like that! It hurts my arm..!"

"Matt, we're on the wrong plane!" I interrupted.

He blinked, the realization hitting him as hard as it hit me. "What?"

The plane started to move and I felt my stomach hitch. There was no way…

I jumped out of my seat and found a stewardess, explaining in panic that me and Matt were on the wrong plane…

But she wouldn't listen.

"Listen kid, just sit your ass back in your seat and enjoy the ride. Some of us don't get first class seating like this and have to work for a living to pay off our mortgages." She whispered.

I growled under my breath. "Listen lady…!"

"Get… in… your… seat." She hissed.

Now, I wasn't afraid of her. Not by a long shot. But if she was going to be like this, and I wasn't getting a word in anyway… I might as well give up and listen to her.

And that's how we ended up on a trip to who knows where.

* * *

**_(Two hours later)_**

* * *

It had been maybe two or more hours before we landed in Italy and both Matt and myself ran to the terminal to find security to help us in contacting L or Light.

Thankfully, we did indeed manage to contact them with some help from the people behind the desk.

Light was in a panic, yelling at us for not sticking close by and crying when he realized we were alright. Meanwhile, L was trying to piece together how we could get back home. We had no money, and L could only do so much influence in the world. He could have gotten his private jet to come pick us up, but with the storm brewing in England – that could have been bypassed had they left two hours ago – there was no way they could come get us.

It wasn't long before Matt came up with an idea for us to drive or catch a ride back to England, but I reminded him that it still cost us money to do so.

I finally gave a weak sigh. "How long before the storm is over?"

I heard L hum on the phone. _"Tomorrow morning?"_

"Alright. I guess we'll wait until then."

I hung up the phone after our good bye and slumped into my chair. "Well, looks like we're stuck in Italy until tomorrow."

Matt blinked. "Why not go enjoy the sights for a bit then?!" He said excitedly.

I glared at him. "How about no. You got us into this mess in the first place, so you can be stuck here in misery as well."

"Look Mello," he sat in the chair beside me, "we can sit here and be miserable together about this, or go out and enjoy what this mistake has to offer us! Come on, this is Italy! We can see the leaning tower of pizza!"

"Pisa," I corrected.

"Whatever." He waved off. "The point is, we're here so we might as well enjoy it!"

Thinking about it for a few moments, I decided that it wasn't the most terrible idea in the world. And we were going home in the morning anyhow.

I sighed yet again. "Alright, let's go."

And a mistake was soon transformed into an adventure.

We did see the leaning tower of Pisa that day, and walked about to find what we could that was free. We learned about the language, the buildings, and even got on a few tours. We promptly got kicked out of one for mocking some of the artwork.

We couldn't help it though. Put two thirteen year old boys in front of the Statue of David, and more than a few dick jokes are going to be made.

It was turning into a pretty amazing day…

…up until the accident with the truck.

Long story short, Matt climbed into the back of a truck to see what was in it – me following him – and we were shut in by accident and were now on our way to god knows where.

With no light to see where we were going, we just held onto each other and prayed everything would be alright. By the next time we saw daylight, we were far from Italy.

It was about Eighteen hours later before the light shone through the door to the truck and we were kicked out by an angry truck driver into the streets of Romania. From there, we had no idea where to go.

We immediately found food when we were out, having to steal some because we were penny-less, and soon we began to look for a way to contact Light and L once more. There was no doubt in my mind that they were looking for us in Italy at the moment, but they wouldn't find us there.

What was supposed to be a few hours of waiting turned into two weeks of everyone running around to look for us.

But what a time it had been.

After Romania there was Russia, then Greenland, then Rio and the South Pole – where Matt had a hay day with the penguins - then France and India, China, and finally Japan. We'd seen it all, felt it all, and experienced everything we could in those two weeks. Jumping off waterfalls, climbing mountains, sneaking onto ships in order to go to new places. Yes, I'd been incredibly pissed to find myself stuck in one situation after another, up until Matt raised my spirits by telling me everything would be alright, and that he'd stick with me until we were found.

When we ended up in Japan, having snuck onto another ship to get somewhere remotely closer to L and Light, we ran like hell to find Nan and Sofu. We recognized where we were enough to find them in no time and ended up in the safety of our grandparents. Turns out Sofu had gotten everyone he knew in NPA to go out and look for us, but no one had gotten a trace of us until now.

Of course, it didn't help that we couldn't call L or Light at the times we were lost.

The two picked us up at Nan and Sofu's nearly a day later, and Light nearly suffocated us with his hugs, begging us never to leave him like that again.

We agreed to this, but only until we got the money to go along with this again. Because, despite the initial scare in the beginning, I really wanted to see the world in this exciting way again. Hopefully with Matt alongside me.

Until then, Matt and I would be closely watched by Light and L.


	5. Chapter 5

_**A/N: Wow! It's been forever since I've last written something to do with this series! I'm so sorry for being gone for so long, but I needed to figure some shit out. Life has not been the kindest to me in these past few months and it's only going to get worse, I just know it. But, seeing as how I need a break from reality, I've gotten back into writing and drawing again. I know it's been forever and a day since I last wrote a fanfic, but I'm hoping to continue this one and another a started a while back.**_

_**Once again, I'm sorry for being gone for so long. I hope you all can find it in your hearts to forgive me.**_

_**Please enjoy the next few chapters that I will be releasing this weekend. And if anyone has a suggestion about which story I should begin writin again next, please let me know.**_

* * *

**(Matt P.O.V)**

"Hey, at least you had fun in the end!" I said happily, a sly grin on my face. "It was about the only time I ever saw you roll with the punches Mr. 'I can't do anything without a plan because I'm so tight assed I can have no real fun'."

Mello only blinked at me. "First of all, Matt, that name is way too long and complicated to even be _considered_ a name. And secondly,"

He punched my arm as hard as he could, making me jump back in pain.

"It was your fault at all that we ended up travelling the world by accident!"

I rubbed my arm to soothe down the pain, still grinning at the blonde and his overreaction to the entire ordeal. "You have to admit, it'll be a great story to tell the grandkids someday."

I noticed Lucas jump at this before slinking away behind Melina. "Not happening."

"Yeah, ew!" Roxy replied. "Why would we want kids!? I don't even like my brothers half the time!"

Andrei and Mason both glared at her before Mason said, "I'm hoping you only mean Ink and Lucas."

Roxy didn't answer. She just rolled her eyes and looked away from them. "Besides, who says we have to have kids in the future?"

"No one," I answered calmly, "but you might regret it if you never do have any kids. I mean, it was difficult enough to convince blondie here to agree into having kids, and now look! He probably loves you all more than I do now."

"Yes, kids. Always remember that I love you all more than you Da."

"Exactly!"

A bout of silence passed over all of us, each of the little ones looking at me incredulously, before I realized what I'd said.

"Wait, no! Not what I meant!"

The kids all shook their heads.

"Too late, Da." Mason said coldly.

"WAY too late." Lucas agreed.

I slouched in my seat with an exasperated sigh before turning to Mello. "You love having them against me, don't you?"

Mello hugged Ink closer to him with a warm smile on his face. "It helps."

Light only chuckled at how much of a mess I'd gotten myself into. "You really don't know when to keep that mouth of yours shut some days, don't you Matt?"

I shrugged, slinking deeper into my seat. "It's a bad habit."

Mello sighed at my sulking before turning to the kids. "You all know he loves you without question, right?"

I felt a few pairs of arms wrap around my waist and legs before Roxanne replied with, "Of course!"

"He just needs to learn how to think before speaking." Andrei added.

Lucas then popped up from behind the couch with Melina. "It is a really bad habit, Da."

Mello scoffed. "Isn't that the truth. It's that habit that got us in trouble with Misa for a long while."

I heard L chuckle to himself before replying with, "It made my day to see that show of hers ruined."

"Show?" Ink questioned. "What show?"

Both Mello and I looked at each other before we both fell back into our seats with a sigh.

"It started out as a normal visit to see Nan and Sofu…" I began yet another tale for the kids to try and fall asleep to.


	6. Chapter 6

**(Matt P.O.V)**

"Do we seriously have to watch this thing!?" I whined uncharacteristically. "Misa wouldn't notice if we weren't here! We could just tell her we couldn't find her after the show and went home!"

Light sighed heavily at my desperation to leave this affair. "I don't want to be here anymore than you do." He then looked over to the detective sitting anxiously in his chair. "Or L for that matter."

The detective grumbled to himself. "So… much… pink..."

That was an understatement considering the entire plaza where the show was being held was a myriad of pink and salmons it had become nauseating. I honestly had never seen so much pink in one show, it was so unreal.

Light continued. "But this show is for the support of breast cancer, so could you maybe just deal with it? It is for a good cause."

Mello scoffed at this. "A good cause? Light, the proceeds don't all go to breast cancer research, and you know this! Barely half of the money spent on these things go to actual research in trying to help beat cancer, and the other half go to the corporations funding this crap! This is a complete waste of time, Light! I feel dirty just being here!"

My twelve year old mind couldn't help but giggle. "Why Mello? I think this is what's 'breast' for everyone!"

I promptly got smacked upside the head for my pun but I still laughed to myself.

Mello didn't let go of his argument though. "Light, this whole corporation is just for the money. They barely pay enough for the research needed and what advances we've made right now in cancer and cancer research, _could_ have been made years ago! People buy into this crap because, for a few dollars, they feel like they're doing the right thing! But they aren't! The person who actually started the pink ribbon campaign, and giving all of her proceeds to the actual research in this stuff, was pushed aside and her ideas stolen by a corporation who wanted profit! And now we're here and supporting their greed?!"

Near grumbled at Mello's preaching. "Get off the soap box, Mello. No one cares what a little kid thinks, and you aren't going to change anyone's minds about this. Regular people are like flies, they hone in on the first piece of crap they see to help themselves feel smarter… when they're really just eating shit."

I giggled again before looking up. "Yeah Mello, just step off the soap box and _shit_ back down."

The blonde promptly punched me in the arm, making another bruise to my collection of 'shut the fuck up, Matt' punches. I couldn't help the puns when I was bored.

Light sighed to the two of us. "Please, Matt. Try to control yourself."

"I can't help it." I admitted, feeling another zinger surface. "I'm just trying to make _Light_ of the situation!"

The man promptly rolled his eyes at me before Mello added another bruise to my arm. "Just please be quiet. The show's about to begin."

Mello growled before sitting back in his seat angrily. I knew for a fact that he wasn't happy to be here, still and waiting for a show concerning this sort of thing, and having no say in what he wanted to do at all.

However, there were ways of having our own fun for the evening.

I nudged the blonde lightly, grabbing his attention. "Mels, when the lights go down you follow me and we'll get out of here." I whispered.

He scoffed at me. "And go where exactly?"

"Backstage?" I offered, seeing his brow quirk at the idea.

His frown bent into a grin. "Shall we mess with this travesty and make it better?"

I nodded before turning away to wait for the lights to go down. In just a few short moments we'd be making our own fun out of this play instead of just sitting through it like Light and the rest of this family.

Soon enough the lights were dimmed and the show began.

Much to Mello's dismay, Misa Amane, a close friend of Light, had come out onto the stage with the most gaudy and horrid pink dress to have ever graced the stage. It was froufrou and big, fluffed up and bouncy, and did not fit the tone of how serious the actuality of all this was. I could even see Light looking away from her in embarrassment, covering his eyes from the god awful ensemble she had on.

I slid from my seat, making sure no one was watching and saw Mello repeat the same. While Misa Amane spoke about the truly horrid dangers and life changing actions in breast cancer, Mello and I made our way to the stage and up the stairs towards the back. There we found an array of people getting ready for the show, all in as awful clothes as Miss Amane herself. If Mello and I weren't about to take control over this little play of hers, it would have been the biggest bust in her entire career.

I tossed Mello a microphone. "Show time!"

Misa had just about finished her speech by then. "…and when the association for breast cancer awareness came to me and asked for my help in charity work, of course I couldn't say no! So, with great pleasure, I introduce…!"

"A right shit show that has no reason to be here!" Mello interrupted, his voice booming over Misa's since I turned up the juice on his own microphone.

The crowd all looked around, trying to find the person who had spoken, but Light had only covered his face in horror at seeing the two of us being missing from his table.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I implore you not to listen to this woman for she has no idea of the real dangers and heartache that surround this terrible infliction." The blonde continued, getting comfortable in the rafters where we were hiding. "We all know about the pink ribbon campaign and the immense money it's brought in from all across the globe, but do you honestly know where it all goes? I can tell you this. The 'charity work' Miss Amane is doing here is far from charitable. The money you all gave to this cause will be split up into costs for Misa herself, the ballroom and tables where you all are seated at, the décor, and this silly little play her diseased mind came up with in, what I assume is, a drug induced nightmare she had in rehab."

The crowd was mostly shocked, with a few giggles here and there, but I could see L trying his hardest no to bust his gut laughing. Poor Misa had always been the butt of his jokes and we were only making it worse for the poor girl.

I took the microphone from Mello at the moment for my own comedic relief. "No offence to you, Misa, but you really should slow down on the hairspray. Any more and you might find yourself so high up in the clouds air Japan may have to make a flight plan for you."

Some people in the crowd chuckled at this before both Mello and I got an idea.

Now Mello had the mic. "But seriously though, I'm not here to make fun of cancer, I really am not. I just think it's better to try and solve the problem here, and not watch a tumor itself perform on stage."

The crowd actually laughed at this, making Misa look more the fool than she thought she would be.

I could see L face down on his table, trying so very hard not to laugh at this while Light was in front of him, but even Light himself was smiling slightly at the jokes.

We dropped down from the rafters, finding a small round of applause come around for us.

"Cancer," Mello began again, "is definitely not something to laugh at. I am always saying this to people when I preach about my beliefs, but that doesn't mean you make a disease of a play to go around with it!"

"Exactly," I piped in, "I say we should make a musical!"

"A musical?" Mello questioned. "Why?"

"Can you imagine people singing about boobies?" I asked the blonde. "Trust me, this would not be taken seriously, and I'd commend those who actually would keep a straight face!"

A few laughs at this before Misa stepped in.

"You're ruining this show!" She exclaimed, stomping her foot.

Mello cocked a brow at her. "Us? Ruining the show? Please. I think we're actually saving this show! Which would probably make this about the only cancer to be eradicated from this world."

A small 'ooh' rang out from the audience as Misa floundered for words.

"How dare you make fun of this serious issue!?" She finally demanded.

Both Mello and I looked at each other before grinning at her.

"Actually, Miss Amane," Mello began, "we've said nothing about Cancer other than that it truly needs help in being eradicated. What _you_ were going to do, is mock this incredibly serious issue with a disaster of a play that just mocked the seriousness of it all!"

"It is a very serious issue, and more than enough people are affected by it every day." I added. "Not just women get this kind of tumor you know. Men can get it as well, and it effects everyone around them. The family and friends, the person getting the treatment, and of course more than enough people suffer through this alone. Do you think these people want to be reminded in a 'hurrah for us' stage play that you intended to run? I don't think so."

"Let it suffice to say that there are many people in this world who would rather be as far away from this sort of thing than actually go through the torture of it all!" Mello then turned to the audience. "And I mean torture, have you _seen_ these outfits?!" He asked, getting a quick laugh. "YIKES!"

"The point is, most people are tired of the reminder of it all and just want a little fun. We've worked with people in the recovery wards as _real_ charity work, and we found that humour is usually the best medicine for people. So, no… we are not mocking cancer."

"Just your cancerous performance in this whole ordeal." Mello quipped.

The crowd began applauding our short speech and whooped at our attitudes towards the whole thing. In truth, I wasn't sure that this would go over too well with some people but it would seem that we'd made a larger impact than I thought.

Misa just stormed off the stage then, making a fool of herself when she nearly tripped over her own heels.

Mello only shook his head at her. "This is why celebrities suck."

I couldn't help the chuckle at this before looking towards the audience. "You guys want some more jokes!?"

A round of 'yeahs' and 'whoops' filled the air and Mello and I got right back into the fray of it all. We made sure not to mention the infliction in any way that might have been harmful and in more than one instance we'd had the crowd keeling over in laughter. Most people would have found a comedy show tasteless when it was supposed to be centered around cancer and the like, but what others failed to mention in things like charity and donating, was that _everyone_ had to benefit fairly.

In the end, Misa wasn't paid for her part in any of this, and the money we'd earned as the stars the show we gave to the actual foundation, plus a little extra from L who had had a splendid time watching our performance. Misa would take another two years before forgiving us for the incident, and when it came time for another charity event she immediately asked us if we could make another appearance.

Mello happily agreed.


End file.
